Stillen

Recently I came across this word ‘stillen’ - and I fell in love with it straight away. It’s a German word (thank-you to Germany) that has many meanings. In the context of a baby, stillen would be the equivalent to our word for breastfeeding or chestfeeding. However it is so much better than that! Let me explain. 

As you may already know, breastfeeding or chestfeeding your baby is a special experience that is about so much more than a transfer of milk. In fact the baby being hungry can fall surprisingly low down on the list of reasons a baby is nursing. (See example list below). Nursing, now there is another good word. I like the term nursing because it doesn’t focus on anatomy (wouldn’t it be weird if we said, I’m going to mouth-eat some food now, I’m going to ear-listen to some music…) and has connotations beyond food. ‘Stillen’ goes even further. 

So what does ‘stillen’ mean? (With some help from the internet) - to still, to satisfy, to quench, to nurse, to satiate, to staunch, to suckle, to relieve, to allay, to stem. 

I have often struggled to put into words what it is that I found so special about breastfeeding my baby. It was so much more than milk, and more than a list of health benefits. Using many many words I might be able to paint a picture of how I could comfort my son, how we both relaxed. 

I’ve just finished reading a great book, ‘Where’s the mother?’ by Trevor MacDonald and I love the way he describes his own nursing experience:

“Before Jacob was born, I thought that I would try to breastfeed him because it would be good for him - it was the healthy choice. After I started nursing, it became a way of life and my best means of responding quickly to his signals and cries, to meeting his needs.” 

I completely relate to this, I don’t know if I would have understood how breastfeeding could be a way of life and a way to parent before I experienced it myself. How many of us started in the same way, attracted to the health or practical benefits without any idea how little those benefits would mean compared to… well compared to the stillen. 

Here it is my incomplete list of reasons my son would breastfeed; hunger, tiredness, to get to sleep, to feel close to me, emotional comfort, he saw my breasts, to relieve any type of pain… and why I would initiate nursing my son: to meet any of his needs above, to fit around a car journey, because one or both of us needed to relax, because I was tired, to finish watching an episode on TV, to rest...... to stillen. 

So next time you are faced with one of those annoying comments or questions about ‘oh the baby can’t possibly be hungry again’ calmly smile and reply, “oh they are not hungry, they just needed some stillen”.  Then take a breath and savour the feeling of stillen you are sharing with your baby, while the critical person wanders away in confusion, knowing only that there is something happening that they do not understand.